My Story By Terri

Can anyone relate to this? I have spent the last week wondering what to write next after the success of my last post. I know I have a part 2/3/4 to write about my mom, but I am not ready to delve into that just yet; as I need to organize my thoughts and timelines to give an accurate representation of my thoughts.  Not so emotionally fueled jargon that is hard to read and wouldn't make sense to anyone. So, as I sat here most of the day thinking, with nothing to hyper focus on, I realized that I don't do well with self success.  I almost self-sabotage myself every single fucking time. I am so comfortable with tragedy, financial hardship, toxic relationships, that when I achieve success I rarely don't know what to do about it or how to feel about it. Sometimes I even find myself looking for ways to avoid it or feeling like I don't deserve it. I work hard because I have goals to achieve, but I am terrified to reach those goals and feel like now what?  I hate feeli

I started writing a blog that I thought was clever and funny, and honestly it almost felt forced.  Already I have started to gravitate from my original realisms to writing for entertainment purposes, and then it started to feel unnatural.  Not the original intention for this blog.  So I'm taking a step back to vent about what happened in my day, because that's what this is for. Last night I was up until 2am working on school work, tossing and turning and just generally restless because I know about the shitload of work I have to complete before the end of the week.  Having that weighing on my head is exhausting.  I'm grateful my professors were kind and understanding in giving me an extension but I'm finding it so much more stressful. So I'm up at 6am, because that is the time my grandfather arrives every morning to spend time with the children before he drives them to school.  It was so hard to get up this morning, but of course I did and made myself some shitt

Here is the link in the small chance that you haven't seen this youtube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cb0t9TUNLpg Yes it is true.  All of it.  The extra book, bullshit lies about being thirsty, frequent bathroom trips, unable to shut the fuck up, etc etc They need to write a "Stop saying Mom, for fuck sakes" book, parents with multiple children know exactly what the fuck I am talking about.  Mom Mom Mom Mom Mama Mom MOM MOOOOOM Till you want scream.  You really do want to. Listen, I have cooked you supper, washed your clothes, cleaned dog shit off the carpet, washed the dishes, listened to you whine that you are thirsty when your glass of water is 5 feet from your body in your direct line of vision.  So go the fuck to sleep. I know you are mad at me because I let you play outside instead of calling you in so you can sit down in front of the tv for an hour and watch mindless youtube videos on mindcraft.  Yes, I know you are hungry, why are you asking me

Do you even know what I mean?   We have all heard about how important social relationships are, peer relationships, work relationships, immediate and extended family relationships, blah blah blah.  That's all lovely, but how is that relationship with yourself? Have you ever thought to "date" yourself?  Buy yourself flowers?  Treat yourself to a nice meal?  Go do something for you BECAUSE you love you?  I'd say probably no. When is the last time you asked yourself how you were doing?  What you wanted out of this relationship?  Do you see yourself with low self-esteem?  Shitty self perception?  Or do you see yourself as a great catch that any partner would be blessed to love? You know that the most concrete relationship we have, is the one with ourselves.  We are engaged in this relationship from birth till death, unlike any other relationship we will ever have to encounter.  Does that make sense?   I was talking to my counselor about the relation