My Story By Terri

Today was a shit day, actually the last few were shit days. It was low, the worst day I have had in awhile.  Which, kind of took me by surprise, because I feel like I have been doing so well; writing, self care, doing more of the shit that I love to do. So, when I woke up, got the kids situated, looked at my bank account before I go treat myself to a coffee....  My bank account laughs at me, sticks up it's middle finger at me and says a big fuck you, you are not getting no fucking coffee today bitch. Just like that. I pick myself up, get the kids out the door, and go back the fuck to bed.  Yes, I did. I took the kids out on Sunday for my daughter to get a dress for her first Junior High School Dance. I did spend a few more dollars then I should have but I thought I had put some dollars aside but bills and a few other things I needed.  Well, bring in misc. payment and a I fucked up, and that was it. I'm usually pretty good with my money because if I'm not,...

Can anyone relate to this? I have spent the last week wondering what to write next after the success of my last post. I know I have a part 2/3/4 to write about my mom, but I am not ready to delve into that just yet; as I need to organize my thoughts and timelines to give an accurate representation of my thoughts.  Not so emotionally fueled jargon that is hard to read and wouldn't make sense to anyone. So, as I sat here most of the day thinking, with nothing to hyper focus on, I realized that I don't do well with self success.  I almost self-sabotage myself every single fucking time. I am so comfortable with tragedy, financial hardship, toxic relationships, that when I achieve success I rarely don't know what to do about it or how to feel about it. Sometimes I even find myself looking for ways to avoid it or feeling like I don't deserve it. I work hard because I have goals to achieve, but I am terrified to reach those goals and feel like now what?  I hate feeli...

This is a really personal entry today, it is the truth as I remember it. I'm trying to write this objectively so the details are unbiased.  I won't be using names, except for my mom's, who is deceased.  Some details, may not be as accurate in the timeline because I was pretty young when a lot of this happened.  The events, however, are as I remember them, and how they were described to me, regarding the ones I was not present for. Some of you may know, and some of you not.  My mom was a drug addict.  Crack was her drug of choice and I spent most of my child/young adulthood taking care of her and trying to make her better, to get back to the mom that I remembered and loved. Her addictions have ruined personal friendships, relationships and divided our family.  There was always constant fighting and arguing, and anxiety and stress fueled the energy in our house.  There was A LOT of fighting and I remember waiting to see if it would settle down on...

I started writing a blog that I thought was clever and funny, and honestly it almost felt forced.  Already I have started to gravitate from my original realisms to writing for entertainment purposes, and then it started to feel unnatural.  Not the original intention for this blog.  So I'm taking a step back to vent about what happened in my day, because that's what this is for. Last night I was up until 2am working on school work, tossing and turning and just generally restless because I know about the shitload of work I have to complete before the end of the week.  Having that weighing on my head is exhausting.  I'm grateful my professors were kind and understanding in giving me an extension but I'm finding it so much more stressful. So I'm up at 6am, because that is the time my grandfather arrives every morning to spend time with the children before he drives them to school.  It was so hard to get up this morning, but of course I did and made myself s...

Yes it will. Just like the McNeil Government. It will bend you over like the whore you are and fuck you right in the ass and not even ask first.  It won't say please, or may I, or care what gender you are or even how you liked to be fucked. Life will watch as you spend weeks planting those little seeds and how you care for them daily, and when you have that one split second feeling of "accomplishment,"  there is life, knocking those fuckers over and not giving a shit. Life will be all like, "here is the sun!!  Enjoy your beautiful day!!"  and you do!  You go get your sneakers on and put on a light sweater and head out into the world and grab it by the balls!  Fuck yes!  It is a beautiful day!  Five minutes later, Life decides that you've had enough fun and happiness today.  You're done, Life knows you live in Nova Scotia and while you are out in the the sunshine, it starts to get dark and fuck, it starts snowing.  In April. ...