My Story By Terri

Today was a shit day, actually the last few were shit days. It was low, the worst day I have had in awhile.  Which, kind of took me by surprise, because I feel like I have been doing so well; writing, self care, doing more of the shit that I love to do. So, when I woke up, got the kids situated, looked at my bank account before I go treat myself to a coffee....  My bank account laughs at me, sticks up it's middle finger at me and says a big fuck you, you are not getting no fucking coffee today bitch. Just like that. I pick myself up, get the kids out the door, and go back the fuck to bed.  Yes, I did. I took the kids out on Sunday for my daughter to get a dress for her first Junior High School Dance. I did spend a few more dollars then I should have but I thought I had put some dollars aside but bills and a few other things I needed.  Well, bring in misc. payment and a I fucked up, and that was it. I'm usually pretty good with my money because if I'm not,...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYN14UfO-Uc I think that I may have mentioned before that I have anxiety and ADHD.  My anxiety is manageable, and I was only recently diagnosed with ADHD this past October.   When I was 15, I would go to my Doctor for an appointment and just break down.  I was sad all the fucking time, I was overwhelmed and I was having a hard time functioning with daily tasks. Now, my Doctor knew my mom, knew the situation, and prescribed me my first anti-anxiety/depression medication; Effexor, the one she was on herself and was seeing great results. Those didn't work, because it is common sense that not everyone's biological chemistry is the same, and what works for some may not work for others...  Also, perhaps my depression was circumstantial, not biological?   Did maybe taking these medications while I was still developing permanently alter the chemical composition in my brain?  Why are we telling children not to smoke ...

Can anyone relate to this? I have spent the last week wondering what to write next after the success of my last post. I know I have a part 2/3/4 to write about my mom, but I am not ready to delve into that just yet; as I need to organize my thoughts and timelines to give an accurate representation of my thoughts.  Not so emotionally fueled jargon that is hard to read and wouldn't make sense to anyone. So, as I sat here most of the day thinking, with nothing to hyper focus on, I realized that I don't do well with self success.  I almost self-sabotage myself every single fucking time. I am so comfortable with tragedy, financial hardship, toxic relationships, that when I achieve success I rarely don't know what to do about it or how to feel about it. Sometimes I even find myself looking for ways to avoid it or feeling like I don't deserve it. I work hard because I have goals to achieve, but I am terrified to reach those goals and feel like now what?  I hate feeli...

This is a really personal entry today, it is the truth as I remember it. I'm trying to write this objectively so the details are unbiased.  I won't be using names, except for my mom's, who is deceased.  Some details, may not be as accurate in the timeline because I was pretty young when a lot of this happened.  The events, however, are as I remember them, and how they were described to me, regarding the ones I was not present for. Some of you may know, and some of you not.  My mom was a drug addict.  Crack was her drug of choice and I spent most of my child/young adulthood taking care of her and trying to make her better, to get back to the mom that I remembered and loved. Her addictions have ruined personal friendships, relationships and divided our family.  There was always constant fighting and arguing, and anxiety and stress fueled the energy in our house.  There was A LOT of fighting and I remember waiting to see if it would settle down on...

I started writing a blog that I thought was clever and funny, and honestly it almost felt forced.  Already I have started to gravitate from my original realisms to writing for entertainment purposes, and then it started to feel unnatural.  Not the original intention for this blog.  So I'm taking a step back to vent about what happened in my day, because that's what this is for. Last night I was up until 2am working on school work, tossing and turning and just generally restless because I know about the shitload of work I have to complete before the end of the week.  Having that weighing on my head is exhausting.  I'm grateful my professors were kind and understanding in giving me an extension but I'm finding it so much more stressful. So I'm up at 6am, because that is the time my grandfather arrives every morning to spend time with the children before he drives them to school.  It was so hard to get up this morning, but of course I did and made myself s...

Do you even know what I mean?   We have all heard about how important social relationships are, peer relationships, work relationships, immediate and extended family relationships, blah blah blah.  That's all lovely, but how is that relationship with yourself? Have you ever thought to "date" yourself?  Buy yourself flowers?  Treat yourself to a nice meal?  Go do something for you BECAUSE you love you?  I'd say probably no. When is the last time you asked yourself how you were doing?  What you wanted out of this relationship?  Do you see yourself with low self-esteem?  Shitty self perception?  Or do you see yourself as a great catch that any partner would be blessed to love? You know that the most concrete relationship we have, is the one with ourselves.  We are engaged in this relationship from birth till death, unlike any other relationship we will ever have to encounter.  Does that make sense?   I ...

Yes it will. Just like the McNeil Government. It will bend you over like the whore you are and fuck you right in the ass and not even ask first.  It won't say please, or may I, or care what gender you are or even how you liked to be fucked. Life will watch as you spend weeks planting those little seeds and how you care for them daily, and when you have that one split second feeling of "accomplishment,"  there is life, knocking those fuckers over and not giving a shit. Life will be all like, "here is the sun!!  Enjoy your beautiful day!!"  and you do!  You go get your sneakers on and put on a light sweater and head out into the world and grab it by the balls!  Fuck yes!  It is a beautiful day!  Five minutes later, Life decides that you've had enough fun and happiness today.  You're done, Life knows you live in Nova Scotia and while you are out in the the sunshine, it starts to get dark and fuck, it starts snowing.  In April. ...

OK!  So here it is, I need an outlet for my ever loving fucking mind! I am not a great writer, I have no passion to be the next great mommy blogger or DIY internet sensation.  Nope, not me.  I'm your average single mom, with a crazy story, who has lived a crazy life and fuck it, I'm going to write about it. I like to use curse words because all day using the term, "Sugar plum fairy tales" doesn't quite cut it for me.  So expect some random fuck, fuckity, no fucks given, etc to pop in and out of my vocabulary, so if that offends you, well... Get the fuck out. I will try to be respectful, but these are my words and my thoughts, so if you care to comment please be mindful of that.  Not that I give a shit (sugar) about what you think, I need this to be a positive environment for myself and my readers, and maybe a laugh here and there. I am hoping that you mom's out there can relate to what I am going through, what I am thinking and writing about and can fi...